*The self I like best*

Looking back over the past two months, I can clearly see where I began to struggle to keep my mileage up. It’s been no secret that the first quarter of the year (and now moving into the second quarter) has been quite a whirlwind for me and my family. To be honest, the dust hasn’t settled yet and things are still in a state of flux. In hindsight, I thought I’d get back into my groove once our feet were grounded. I sure as heck didn’t think it would take so long.

In the midst of all that, and I’m still battling it, I pulled back from some of the things I love and find comfort in (not all by choice). What I’ve discovered is that I feel completely disconnected from myself. Routines, dietary choices, sleep patterns, self-care… all the familiar rhythms that I’ve been accustomed to for the past X amount of years have been stripped away. On top of that, I’m in a new (and VERY large) city, 1000+ miles away from my daughter, family, and friends, haven’t yet been able to connect with any sort of new running friends or tribe, trying to organically build a business that generates sustainable income which is slow going, and generally feeling a little lost in space at the moment.

Deep shit, I know.

A few days ago I realized that my life is so much richer with running in it and when I’m taking care of my whole self. Mind, body, and spirit. So I went for a short run. The following day I went for another one. I’ve now run four days in a row, although I will admit, I have not run more than three miles at a time. Accepting where I’m at, and fully understanding that it will take some time to build myself, distance, and pace, back up to where I prefer to be will not happen overnight. Mentally, I’m starting to feel it again. Physically, and no thanks to the heat, it’s a work in progress.

Timely enough, I saw this quote posted on Facebook earlier and I couldn’t agree more!

2016-04-20 10.39.04

“or at least I feel like the self I like best”… well said, Bart!

I never posted my weekly mileage for the week of March 21-27. Because I was in the middle of packing, I didn’t record all of the few runs I did and lost the info on my Garmin for one of them so I am not including that in the total. For that week, I ran 7.5 miles bringing my March total to 62.25 (I’m certain it’s my lowest monthly mileage in three years. That is until this month which will likely be less than that!) and my YTD total to 304 miles.

I’m a big believer in accountability. Sharing this here is more for my benefit than anyone else’s but it does provide me with the space to hold myself accountable and acknowledge my own truth. And that truth is, I do feel that the self I like best is the one that runs!

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2 thoughts on “*The self I like best*

  1. I totally understand. We are currently in NYC for work and living in a tiny studio apartment with our baby and dog. I spend all day walking the baby and dog and going from class to class that we run. I do get a daily run in but it isn’t easy. But besides that there is little socialization or time for myself. I am a big believe that you need those things to maintain your sense of self. Give it time and it will come back together. Also, when we first moved to Chicago I did a few group runs through the local running store and it was a wonderful way to meet some likeminded people.

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